106: Strengthen Your Faith While Building a Profitable Business with Tasha Scott

Robert Plank: We're here with Tasha Scott and she has a new book that has ignited a movement, the "Don't Limit Me" movement. The movement challenges women who feel stuck, living their lives on other people's terms to take action and stop self-living. Tasha, welcome to the show. I'm excited to hear about how everyone can become their best selves and kick some butt.

Tasha Scott: Thank you Robert, I'm excited to be here.

Robert Plank: Tell me about yourself. Tell me about this "Don't Limit Me" and what makes you special.

Tasha Scott: Sure, sure. Well I tell people all the time that I have been an entrepreneur all my life, literally it feels like because my first business was a paper route when I was in the eighth grade. Fast forward after just going through life, growing up, I ended up enrolling in court reporting school and learning how to be a court reporter. That's literally where my business was born, right after I graduated from court reporting school. In this journey, Robert, I was married. The first year of business was really good. In fact, I hit six figures my first year as a court reporter. What people didn't know though was that in the midst of business looking really good, my personal life was a mess. There was a huge disconnect between what looked like a public success and a private failure.

There was a lot of lessons that I learned that year because one, I didn't have a plan for the growth of the business. All I knew was that I had a dream to be an entrepreneur. I had my goals and my vision, and I was ready to go. I accomplished everything that I wanted to do that first year, but I felt empty because of all of the turmoil that was happening at home in the form of marriage problems, financial problems, insecurity, all of those things that you would've thought money would've been the solution, but it wasn't. One of the things that I did, Robert, is I reached out for help. For me, help came in the form of a life coach.

This life coach, when I reached out to her, she literally took me for six months. We had sessions over the phone, we met every other week. What I found out was that I was hiding behind a mask. I knew how to perform. I knew how to function, but I didn't know how to live. That's why I had the huge disconnect. I didn't really know Tasha outside of the business, outside of the role. What she did is she literally just walked with me and helped me to face some fears, and some of those fears had even stemmed from childhood. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success. All of those things we had to walk through and I had to learn to take responsibility for me. I had to get out of victim mode and stop thinking that it was everybody else's fault why I wasn't happy, why I was miserable, all those things including my husband.

She really helped me to get my want-to back from life because when I faced my fears, I realized that it wasn't as bad as it seems. It literally just meant me owning it. It took me owning it, facing it, and moving forward. What happened, and I'm giving you the Reader's Digest version, was as I started owning my stuff basically, facing my fears, I started gaining confidence again. I started taking responsibility. I started to get to know Tasha. Literally what happened is as a result of my journaling, that's where my book was born, the "Don't Limit Me" book because one day I looked myself in the mirror, Robert, and I said, "Tasha, don't limit me." I realized for the first time I was the only one holding me back. I had some good opportunities ahead, but I was self-sabotaging. For the first time, I said, "No, don't limit me Tasha." With the help of this life coach, my life started turning around. In fact, my marriage was restored. My business started growing because it was growing under a healthier leadership, which was me.

Robert Plank: I love all that about that story, especially because what we usually hear is like someone struggling, someone struggling, they don't quite make it. It sounds like you jumped ahead pretty quickly but then it turned into, what's that saying? "Money makes you more of what you are." We always think that having a bunch of money, like you said, is the key to all our problems. It'll fix everything, but then you get to that point and it's almost like a combination of "now what?" and then all these other problems that were just really tiny now are 10 times, 20 times the size. "Now what the heck am I going to do about it?"

Tasha Scott: That's right. What happened in my case is the money that I was making, the business growth really exposed my fears more than anything. It was like because of the fear of success, I was afraid. "Can I really handle this?"

Robert Plank: That makes a lot of sense. Speaking along those lines about the fear of failure, the fear of success, one that I like that you mentioned a couple minutes ago was about you owning your problems.

Tasha Scott: Right.

Robert Plank: I think that I struggle with that many times and I have to remind myself too that if things aren't ideal with the partner or with the job or with whatever kind of relationship, it's really easy, almost natural, to blame the other person.

Tasha Scott: Oh yeah.

Robert Plank: Then I think, "Well, whatever economic situation, whatever relationship, I put myself there and I'm choosing to keep myself there." Can you talk a little bit about that, about how you overcame the blaming and the self-sabotage and becoming more aware?

Tasha Scott: Oh absolutely. You're talking to somebody who is a recovering victim.

Robert Plank: I like that term.

Tasha Scott: Yeah, because it was all my husband's fault. The reason why our marriage couldn't get together. It was my parents' fault, it was my friends' fault because they didn't understand me. Everybody was to blame. Then this coach, she's the one who called me out. I told her, "I don't know why people always think I have it all together" and da da da. She said, "Well Tasha, have you told them any different?" What she did is she put the mirror in front of me, and she said, "I hear what you're saying." This is what she was saying in so many words, "Let's talk about you. What part are you playing in all of this?" Here's what she said: "Even if they are wrong, why are you putting up with it? You do have a choice."

Robert Plank: Oh yeah. What you allow is what will continue.

Tasha Scott: That's right. She used a great illustration. She said, "Imagine I'm sitting across from you and I'm kicking you leg. You might say 'Please don't do that' and I say 'Well I want to.' You keep kicking my leg and I say 'Please stop' and you say 'No, this is fun.' The only way it's going to stop and because you're persisting is if I get up and walk away."

Robert Plank: Or you could kick back, right?

Tasha Scott: That's true, yes.

Robert Plank: It sounds like a lot of what helped you is that you had this coach, this neutral third party to call you on your stuff. When you need a wake-up call, someone who wasn't someone who had their own agenda, who wasn't someone who was trying to help themselves or hurt you. Just someone who said, "Okay, well I'm seeing everything that you're doing here, Tasha, and here's what I'm seeing based on your actions and here's what I think needs to change as far as the direction you're going."

Tasha Scott: That's right on, Robert. I've specifically said I need somebody who has no emotional connections to me, to my husband, to my community. In fact, my life coach, she's in Pennsylvania. I'm in Alabama. We spoke by phone. There was no reason for me to lie or be dishonest or try to filter anything. She was a stranger and for some reason, it was easier for me to unleash and allow her to help me without taking sides or anything like that.

Robert Plank: I like that what you just mentioned is that the lying stopped. I think that it's really easy to fall into the habit of just having a few lies here and there. You lie a little bit to get ahead or you lie to yourself about, "Well I'm going to get all these things accomplished today." Before you know it, there's so many little tidbits of lying happening that you almost don't take yourself seriously.

Tasha Scott: That's right. It's pretty scary when you can't even live with you anymore. That's a miserable place to be. That's why I reached out for help because I was at a point of desperation.

Robert Plank: Anyone else who's at that point of desperation other than getting a life coach? What's the second thing someone could do to get out of that hole?

Tasha Scott: Journaling was a big thing for me because I would say my journaling was my no-judgement zone. Sometimes it's easier to express yourself in writing because when you're writing it out, you're writing out those thoughts that you're afraid to speak out of your mouth. Journaling was a really huge thing for me. Also, I'm a person of faith but ironically in that time period, I would say I was even mad at God. I would say honestly what really triggered everything for me was having the life coach and the journaling. Those were the two big factors because she even helped me to deal with unresolved anger issues.

Robert Plank: You're saying that she uncovered things that you didn't even know you had.

Tasha Scott: Absolutely. She challenged me in a very gently, non-judgmental way.

Robert Plank: Whoa, is there a thunderstorm there?

Tasha Scott: It is. It just started raining like crazy.

Robert Plank: Aw man, and it's perfect timing because you're talking about all the turmoil and all of the problems you've been though. Eventually the storms always clear, right?

Tasha Scott: That's right. There's always sunshine after the rain.

Robert Plank: Once all of the stuff gets cleaned out, which is a necessary process sometimes. I'm glad that you brought up and reminded me of journaling because that's one of those things where it's like I know I should do it and probably once ever one or two months, I'll go and fish it out of the drawer. I'll just write a couple of sentences or two. That comes in handy especially if I'm feeling like really stuck or to that hopeless point of despair like I've been getting too stressed out. It seems so simple, but it's so crazy how just putting it into a few words about what I'm feeling, what I'm afraid of, what I want. Just putting that down, it's magical. I can't believe how simple and yet how effective that is.

Tasha Scott: That's right. She taught me how to stop stuffing my issues. In other words, when things were happening, starting to face them as they were happening. My problem was I would go and hide my head in the sand and not face my real issues, but that only made things worse. She taught me how to speak up, how to confront without being disrespectful to yourself or to other people, how to set proper boundaries. She taught me the power of saying "no" because I was a people pleaser. That's a bad combination when you're in business and you're a people pleaser. That's a disaster waiting to happen.

Robert Plank: Oh yeah. Then you get too many commitments, spread too thin, all that stuff.

Tasha Scott: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Robert Plank: Could you unpack that a little bit? How to be more of a confronter, how to be more assertive, how to set those boundaries and say "no less?"

Tasha Scott: Sure. I'll start with within the confines of a relationship. I'll use my husband and I for example. What I did was I started having to learn how to communicate without getting emotional and all this stuff because it was like a dance. We were starting to be so predictable with each other. I would say something and he would think I was attacking and all this. I learned how to communicate truth in a respectful way. In other words, if he said something that hurt my feelings, I can say, "That hurt my feelings" without attacking him and him feeling like he's the most awful person in the world. That was in the confines of the marriage relationship, but then when it came to clients I had to learn that especially in what I'm doing as a coach that I am not somebody's savior. She taught me that by example. She could listen to me and she could be that voice of reason, but at the end of the day the responsibility and the choice was mine to make.

A lot of it, if I had to put it in a word, was codependency. I had to stop making other people's problems my problems but still give people permission to be themselves too and not be judgmental, all those different things.

Robert Plank: I like that thinking. I like all of that. Cool. As far as somebody trying to get their life together or trying to up their game or any of those kinds of things, aside from what we've talked about what's a huge mistake that you see these people making over and over when they're trying to either have better relationships or be more assertive? What's the common mistake no matter what they've read or what they've heard? What do people keep doing that just annoys the heck out of you?

Tasha Scott: There's two extremes. One extreme is you go all the way quiet and you just withdraw. What I call that is suffering in silence. You try to cope and muster up all the willpower you can to deal with it. We were not made to be islands; we were made for connection with other people. That's one extreme, is withdrawing all the way to where you think, "Nobody will get me, nobody will understand me." The other extreme is talking to every and anybody thinking that they're going to just rescue you from this situation. I would say the mistakes are both extremes.

Robert Plank: I would say that I'm more of like the quiet, withdrawing kind of person. Both my parents, especially my dad, were the talk-to-anybody. I think the problem with that was that he would just end up figuring out four or five problems. I guess it's good to tell one person, but he would tell everybody. He would call the same list of 20 people and all day long just bitch and moan about the same exact problems he had, and just get worked up every single time and not really get any kind of resolution there.

Tasha Scott: Yeah. All it does is cause confusion.

Robert Plank: What's the answer if you're one of those extremes?

Tasha Scott: Find a safe place. What I mean by that is now, I'm in a place where I have a support system. My support system, I can count on one hand. I believe we all need people who know the real us. I have my coaches, but I also have accountability partners. I've got two ladies that I would say, "These are my accountability partners that know the real Tasha." Of course my husband. I talk to him, but you know how it is sometimes. Guys don't understand everything about the woman.

Robert Plank: Right. All we can do is listen.

Tasha Scott: Yes, so I have to have my girl time.

Robert Plank: I hear you.

Tasha Scott: I would say have your support system, and it doesn't need to be a whole lot of people.

Robert Plank: I like that thinking. I think that up until now, I hadn't really thought about that in those terms, that in our personal life we have our partner, our friends, our family. We have people that we can bounce things off of, but a lot of times especially in our business, we don't have that kind of person. What you're saying is even if you don't have a partner in your own business and things like that, you can go and hire an accountant building partner or hire just a coach in general to get you to where you're going to set up that structure.

Tasha Scott: That's right. Even in addition to the coach, you can have, some people call them a "business bestie," somebody that's up here that is success-minded, like-minded like you are that you can talk to in between the sessions with your coach.

Robert Plank: Oh, I like that. Just to have a bouncing board or something to throw ideas off against.

Tasha Scott: Yes, that's right. What I've found is that as I have that support system in place, it helps me when fear comes, when doubt and insecurity try to come I am able to process it now which is not what I did in the past. In the past, I would just worry and meditate on all the negativity. It was like toxin.

Robert Plank: It seems like one of those things where if it's left untreated, it just grows and grows and takes you over. It's almost as if you would fix the problem early, it wouldn't have been such a big deal but then because you let it sit and fester, everything else gets bad and you have this huge problem to fix.

Tasha Scott: That's exactly right. I say everybody needs a support system.

Robert Plank: Amen to that. That makes a lot of sense to me. Cool. A lot of great things you shared with us today, Tasha. I really like your story. I like all the court reporter stuff and how you jumped to this unexpected area where you had all this money and had to figure out how to figure out the rest of you. It sounds like the number one thing you told people is to get a coach, number two thing is to journal so you have that no-judgment zone, and then communicate without getting emotional. That way, you can share the truth about your own feelings so your stuff doesn't get ignored but you're also being respectful.

Tasha Scott: That's right.

Robert Plank: If people want to find out more about you, your books, your products, your coaching, where can they find out about you?

Tasha Scott: Sure. My website is TashaMScott.com. They can definitely find out a lot about me there. One of the things I vowed to do because I got that kind help, I decided to go and become a certified life coach myself so that I could be that safe place for others, especially women in business.

Robert Plank: Nice, and especially because you've gone through all the things that they're now probably going through.

Tasha Scott: That's right.

Robert Plank: Awesome. TashaMScott.com, can't wait to check it out and see what's there.

Tasha Scott: Yes, thank you so much for this opportunity.

Robert Plank: Glad to have you on.