131: Inner Game, Journaling and Coaching with Kim Ades

Robert Plank: Today we're going to talk to a author, speaker, entrepreneur and mother of five. Her name is Kim Ades. She is the president and founder of Frame of Mind coaching and she's recognized as one of North America's foremost experts on performance through thought mastery. So Kim, I'm Robert, welcome to the show.

Kim Ades: I'm really, super excited to be talking to you today. Thank you for having me on your show.

Robert Plank: Heck yeah, I am right there with you. I know nothing about you, so can you fill us in on your website, yourself, what you do, what makes you unique and special?

Kim Ades: I live in Toronto. I have five kids, as you mentioned. I run a coaching company called Frame of Mind coaching, we coach the highly driven population that is moving and shaking and highly frustrated. That's who we coach and we really look at their thinking and how their thinking is impacting their results. One of the big things we do when we coach people is we ask them to journal every single day for the duration of the coaching period and they share their journals with their coach. We go back and forth every single day. It's pretty intense and it's very very intimate.

Robert Plank: Cool, so how did you come across this? What's basically your journey been? How were things out of balanced or misaligned years ago versus where you've come, where you are now?

Kim Ades: I mean, historically, I used to own a software company. We used to build simulation-based assessments and the purpose of those assessments were to help companies make better hiring decisions. One of the pieces of my past is that we conducted hundreds of thousands of assessments and collected a lot of interesting data. The data said to us that there was really one main distinction between top performers and others. It didn't matter what field, it didn't matter what level of job we were looking at or what industry and that one distinction was if that person had a higher degree of emotional resilience, their likelihood of success was dramatically higher than the rest of the population. So that's one part of my past. The other part of my past is more personal. I was married, had a tough marriage towards the end, ended up getting divorced and my life exploded.

I owned my last company with my ex-husband, ended up having to sell my shares and I had to recreate my life and one of the ways I did it was through the process of journaling. I journaled just to get everything out of my brain, all the worries, all the fears, all the anger, all the frustration, all the anxiety, all of it. I started to realized that journaling is very very powerful tool to help people move to a new place. That's how I, when I started Frame of Mind Coaching, I incorporated journaling from the get-go.

Robert Plank: I mean, with all this journaling stuff, I kind of go back to it every now and then. I always hear about it, I hear it's this good thing to do, but I don't have a very good system or structure to do it consistently. Do you have some kind of formula like is there a set like a time of day you do it, is there a set prompt or is it a set length of wordage, length of time? What's the process for this journaling stuff for you?

Kim Ades: There's so many different things. When we journal with our clients, they journal every day. They can pick whatever time of day they like. A lot of my clients journal right before bed. It's a funny thing, but that's when they journal. Their whole day is past and now they're doing a download so I have that. I have another set of clients that journal right in the morning, but remember this is journaling with your coach, so every time they journal, their journal comes to me as their coach and I read and respond to the journal. So imagine a journal that talks back. It's like you're in this dialogue every single day, so it's a very very rich experience. Let's say you don't have a coach, let's say you're just journaling. One of the things that we do is we provide people with the opportunity to journal on a regular process and we give them journaling prompts, so that's a program called FOM or Frame of Mind Essentials.

Every three days you get a new journaling prompt and why every three days? Because we give you a little bit of time to process what you're writing on the first day because sometimes you need to think about the question you're being asked. I encourage you to access prompt somehow, through Frame of Mind Coaching or otherwise there's lots out there, lots available. If you don't want to do any of those things and you just want to do free flow journaling, here's the formula I recommend and you guys can write this down. It's one sentence. It's very easy. It's dump, dump, and dump the dump. So what is that? You have a lot going on, you have a lot on your mind so you want to write it down. You want to unload. When you think you're done, keep going, keep dumping, right?

Robert Plank: Right.

Kim Ades: At the very end of your dumping, what you want to do is literally write down one sentence down that says, it's time to turn myself around. At that point what you want to do is say okay, so what do I want? Where am I going? What am I hoping for? What am I grateful for? At that point, you're literally turning your mindset, your thinking, your orientation towards what you want. Your journal needs to be a tool. What is the tool supposed to do? Always help you point in the right direction.

Robert Plank: Well cool, so would you say all this journaling stuff, is this just one piece of many or is journaling your main focus for this kind of stuff?

Kim Ades: Well, what I do is I help people start to become aware of their thinking. When I coach people, I coach them for six months, but the first ten weeks are the most important. That's the foundation so there's a call once a week and I record every call, so that's a piece of it too. Why? Because when people can listen to themselves and hear how they show up, they can hear the language they use, the stories they tell, the perspective they have. They can tell what they're repeating over and over again. They start to pick up the patterns of their thinking and how some of those patterns keep them trapped and stuck. It's listening to yourself, it's writing, it's re-reading what you wrote, it's answering questions, it's doing some reflection, it's challenging your beliefs, it's all of that.

Robert Plank: So would you say that for some people going through this process is pretty tough, pretty painful if they haven't done it before?

Kim Ades: No, actually, I mean there are some painful moments, but it's generally not painful. It's kind of like being unleashed from self-imprisonment. That's what it is, so that's not painful at all. It's really actually a really joyous, exciting, freeing journey. It's remarkable. People feel lighter, happier. Almost all of the clients report one thing in common and it's at the end of their first ten weeks, people look at them and say, "You look different. Did you get a haircut? You look taller" or something. They start to physically look different because they're so much lighter.

Robert Plank: Well cool, so it looks like a lot of what you do to help people is get them to be self aware, right, I guess. By doing the journaling ... Oh, go ahead.

Kim Ades: It's more than being self aware, it's identifying the thinking that is keeping them trapped or stuck or causing them problems. I'll give you a perfect example. I have a client who has a belief and the belief is that everybody, he works in a small city, and he believe everybody in his city does not want his success. That belief slows him down. That belief causes him to be defensive and experience a lot of friction with other business owners in his neighborhood. It doesn't help him succeed. It hurts him. I'll give you another example. Another client of mine has the belief that he'll never match up to his parent's level of success and no matter how hard he tries that he just doesn't have what it takes in order to succeed. That kind of thinking also erodes his likelihood of success.

Robert Plank: Interesting. It seems like, with the right tools, it could be something that could be easy to fix, but if we don't even know that that problem's there, but it will just block everything it sounds like.

Kim Ades: It blocks everything. It's funny that you use the word tool. It's not so much of that "tools to fix it," it's about challenging your fundamental thinking. We operate with thinking, but a lot of that thinking is kind of self conscientious. We're not aware of it. The question is first becoming aware of it, putting it on the table, and then challenging the heck out of it. You used the word heck, I like that word, I'm going to take it.

Robert Plank: Go for it.

Kim Ades: Challenging the heck out of the thoughts that you have that simply don't make sense. We invent our view of the world. We make things up. We make stories up and if we have the ability to make stories up, why are we making stories up that make it harder for us to succeed? I mean, it could be that I'm not lovable. It could be like I had a call with a client the other day that said, "I'm terrified that I'm going to be poor. I'm afraid of poverty. I saw what happened to my parents and that scares the living daylights out of me, so I'm very cheap and I'm constantly living with the fear of loss." Well, I don't know. How does that manifest, right, how does that show up? It means that he's not making decisions that propel him forward. He's always tight-fisted and not taking any valuable risks and he's always scared. That's not going to lead him to success.

Robert Plank: So with these different clients that you work with, do they all have a common problem or is there a common threat with all these people that you're helping out?

Kim Ades: Everybody has a different story or set of stories. One person may have a conflict with their partner, another person may have had a really tough childhood, another person may be very very health conscious and that's all he thinks about. Another person might be a perfectionist, another person might get annoyed easily, another person might have a problem with rage. Actually I had a client recently who started off his coaching process by saying, I'm a rager. I said what does that mean and he said that means I get really really mad. I throw things when I'm mad, I punch things, I break things, I get mad and I yell and I scream and the house shakes. I've never hurt anybody, but I'm a rager.

Well, ten weeks later, that just doesn't exist. It's gone, it's finished, it's over and the question is what caused his rage? The cause of his rage was he believed that other people's behaviors were a good reason for him to lose it all the time. He always, constantly felt offended by the actions and behaviors of others. He started to learn that the actions of others had very little to do with him. So yes, what we see is different stories and we also see a different set of beliefs. However, at the core of it, the issue is, what does someone believe to be true about themselves and the world around them and others? In a sense, everybody's journey is very unique, but it's parallel, it's similar.

Robert Plank: Okay, that makes a lot of sense. With all these people that you've been helping and all these different techniques that you have, do you have anything lately that's been very excite- ... Either a technique to help people or a current project you're working on? I mean, what kind of new and cutting edge thing has you excited right now?

Kim Ades: Well, there's a couple things. Number one is I'm doing a lot of speaking. I'm out there working with organizations and teaching leaders that acquiring coaching skills is a really critical part of being a great leader. So, I'm working with a lot of leaders on their coaching skills. That's kind of cool and exciting. The other thing is, you asked for techniques or tools, and if your listeners are up for it, I'll give them an assignment. Do I have permission from you to do that?

Robert Plank: Yeah, go for it. Heck yeah.

Kim Ades: Heck yeah! So the assignment is this. It's a journaling assignment. So write this down. Grab a piece of paper and a pen and write this down. It's three questions. Question number one, what do you really really want more than anything? The reason I ask for two really's is because it's what do you want opposed to what anybody else wants. So think about it, what do you really really want? Question two is, how would your life be different if you had what you really really wanted? What does it mean to you and would it be okay if you didn't ever get what you really really wanted? Question number three is, so what's stopping you from having what you really really want right now? What I want you to do is when you answer those three questions, I want you to send them to me, Kim@Frameofmindcoaching.com and what I will do is assign your journal to one of my coaches and that coach will reach out to you and schedule a time to review your journal. That exercise has a profound impact on anybody who does it.

Robert Plank: That's cool. I mean, I'll fill that in, I'll send that over to you too.

Kim Ades: Perfect and if you do that then I will schedule myself with you, how about that?

Robert Plank: That's the VIP treatment. That's the red carpet treatment right there.

Kim Ades: That's right.

Robert Plank: Cool, so how about we switch gears a little bit and I'm glad you brought that up actually because you have basically this skill you have and you have this problem that you're using to help people. Now you set up this website so is that technique just mentioned there where you get on podcast, you ask people to send in the three answers to these things, is that a way you have to generate leads and kind of build your business online?

Kim Ades: Yeah, I mean definitely podcasts is a lead generation tool. If you go to frameofmindcoaching.com, we also have an assessment that people fill in and those assessments get distributed to our coaches and people get the opportunity to talk to a coach and review their assessments. It's a powerful call, but that also gives our coaches an opportunity to share the coaching program and enroll people into coaching. There's another lead generation tool as well. Yeah, we do podcasts, I do speaking engagements. When I'm in front of people and I'm talking to them, I offer them a white paper at which point I send it to them later so they have to give me their contact information. I add them to our database, we send them newsletters on a weekly basis and so those newsletters involve client testimonials, history, stories, and all kinds of things.

Robert Plank: I'm kind of looking at the website and you're mentioning that there are different coaches and like a team and stuff and so what's the reason for that? What's the reason for having a group as opposed to just you doing the coaching?

Kim Ades: Well I never wanted to just be a single person service provider. I think of myself as a business owner and so how do I leverage me, right? If I'm the only one doing the coaching, I have a ceiling in terms of time. How much time can I give? It's kind of like being a dentist or a doctor or a lawyer, I'm trading my time for money. I never wanted to do that, I always wanted to grow a business. So how you leverage yourself as a business owner, A. You can have other people who do it too. That's a form of leverage. Another form of leverage is to have products and services that don't require your physical involvement. For example, FoM essentials is a self guided journaling program where people come on, they purchase a monthly, what do you call it, recurring fee, and they get journaling prompts and they submit their journals to a coach up to twice a month for review. Now I have this combination of leverage, right?

The other thing that we have is, we built a journaling software, journaling platform to serve out clients. Well, that journaling platform is a independent unit and we license out that product and white label it for other speakers, coaches, trainers, membership groups, anyone who wants to incorporate journaling in their training or culture building process.

Robert Plank: Did you come across any difficulty like getting anyone else involved with this? Was there any amount of chicken and the egg kind of thing or because you made the software, was that like easier to get people on board?

Kim Ades: What do you mean by that? Did I have trouble getting people to journal?

Robert Plank: I mean like the other coaches like why would other coaches jump in as opposed to just doing it themselves?

Kim Ades: Oh yeah, this is my story, this is my kind of path is that what's happened for me is that people have gone through coaching and they've had such an extraordinary experience with the brand, the process, the methodology, the philosophy, all of that. They've had such an overwhelmingly positive personal experience that at the end of their coaching, they say, man, I want more. How do I become a coach? Can you train me? So we literally certify coaches in the Frame of Mind coaching method and then at the end of that process there are some of them that are just superstars and we want to keep them as part of the team. That's how you see those coaches. I don't just go find coaches out there in the world and say hey, do you want to join me? I don't do that.

Robert Plank: So that's cool. There's actually a path for your students to become their own coaches?

Kim Ades: Yes, exactly. I hand pick the ones that will stay with the group and the rest go off and do their own thing.

Robert Plank: With this certification program thing that you have, is there any amount of like a testing process or a probationary period? Do you have any kind of work flow for that?

Kim Ades: Yeah, of course. First they, every one of my coaches go through coaching first. It's mandatory. There's no discussion around that and then they come into Toronto, where I live, for training. They come in for four days for a pretty intense training where they learn the mechanics of coaching, like the methods. It's called FoM methods. There's another piece called foundations which is the philosophy, the meaning, how it got built. After that, if they are selected because I'm watching the whole time, I see how they show up, I see their ability to absorb the information and the approach, I see how they read and respond to journals because we give them that as exercises and practice. I see how well they get it. I see whether it's a natural fit for them or if it's really a stretch. I see all of that. I see their level of commitment too and their dedication and how badly they want it and those are the people I work with. If those people show up, then they have to coach a certain number of hours and then have an exam and then they get certified with me in my company.

Robert Plank: That's cool and I always like thinking about that kind of stuff. We all have this kind of raw talent or kind of almost like an artistic way of looking at something and thinking it through. I really like just taking what it is what you do and systematizing it, stepping it out, and replicating it and scaling it. I think that's pretty awesome.

Kim Ades: Yeah, it's not that usual in the coaching industry to do that, but most of what we do, we try to build it in such a way that it's scalable. Eventually, even certification, I'll get someone else to step in for training. It won't have to be exclusively me.

Robert Plank: Okay, cool, yeah. I like everything that you've been sharing today about taking this thing that's been around for every like coaching or therapy in whatever kind of way you want to put it in and just putting a new spin on it and using teamwork and using this whole internet thing to get more eyeballs on your business and stuff like that.

Kim Ades: That's right.

Robert Plank: Before I let you go and before we wind down and before we ask where people can find out about you, is there just one thing or one message you should tell everyone who's looking to turn things around and fix stuff? Is there one universal message you tell to anyone who's just trying to be better?

Kim Ades: Can I give you two universal concepts?

Robert Plank: Perfect, let's do it.

Kim Ades: For people who are in business and they're trying to grow their businesses, and they're trying to do ten million things at the same time, what I would suggest to you is, don't do ten million things. Do three and just narrow it down. There are a million ways somebody can generate leads, but if you attempt to do those million things right up front, you only have so much energy and resources to apply to those million things. Pick a few and be amazing in those things. For example, with me, I really do a lot of podcasts. I enjoy them, they're fun, they're easy, they're low stress and I get to be in my zone. I choose that as my method of lead generation. Choose one thing and stick to it.

On a personal level, so if anybody wants to change, my suggestion is this and it's a pretty big one, don't look out there to do something different in order to change. People often think that they have to take massive order to change and I would say to you that if you take massive action without first figuring out what your orientation is, like where are you standing, where are you heading, where are you facing? What's going on with you? You have to do the personal work first before you take massive action. I can't express that enough. Most coaches move you to action and I would say don't stop, don't go crazy, don't take massive action. Stop and figure out how your thinking is either propelling you forward or holding you back and if it's holding you back, change your orientation and then take massive action. Do that work first.

Robert Plank: That's some pretty powerful stuff. It kind of makes you think a little bit. Thanks for being on the show, Kim. Thanks for sharing everything that you have to share with us. Could you tell us about your websites, where people can find you, all that good stuff?

Kim Ades: FrameofMindCoaching.com, there's a free downloadable book there. There's an assessment that I encourage everybody to take and again that will help you identify what your orientation is. Where are you standing right now? How are things going in your life? It will give you an opportunity to talk to one of our coaches who will review the assessment with you. Lots and lots of things to look at. We've got plogs, past podcasts, lots of cool things on the site so please visit us.

Robert Plank: Awesome. FrameOfMindCoaching.com. So thanks again Kim for being on the show and for sharing what you have to share with us.